Blogging is an interesting concept, isn’t it?
It’s very interesting to read the inner-workings of a person’s mind, to see what they think and how they think it. In a way, it’s a lot like developing characters. There are layers to people, their personalities, hopes, fears and dreams. And their experiences can be intriguing, interesting, fascinating. It’s amazing to me how we read blogs and we see bits and pieces of ourselves in them.
I read them and seem to automatically home in on those bits and pieces–and others I’ve talked to about it, do the same thing. I think the parts I enjoy most are the intimacy of someone talking so frankly about the hard stuff we all hate to talk about, and those little moments of grace that seem to find their way into the message on the page.
You know the moments I mean. The ones where someone would have been totally justified in shutting down, telling someone off, being a bona fide bitch, but instead shows compassion, understanding, empathy and respect. For the other person, but also for the endurance involved in the situation.
That’s of particular interest to me now. Partly because I’m writing DOUBLE DARE and the heroine in it doesn’t trust men. A cheating husband can do that to a person. But so can other people in relationships. Those you love most can betray your trust. So can your extended family members, like those married to your children, or related to your spouse, or dear friends. We all understand betrayal. We all understand the sense of astonishment, and then the frustration and the pain that inevitably sets in.
What we don’t all understand is how to deal with it constructively. To accept that sometimes we can’t do a damn thing about it without alienating others we love. We can’t change the unchangeable. For those of us who are “if it’s broken fix it” people, that helplessness to do something can be very hard to stomach.
That leaves us with two options: to endure, to sacrifice. Neither one sounds appealing, does it? Doesn’t to me, either. Oh, forgiveness can be factored in of course. But what if it isn’t asked for? What then? And what do you do with all the emotion of choosing to forgive someone who continues to hurt you? We were all warned from the cradle not to tolerate that for good reason.
Perhaps forgiveness is the right thing to do–asked for or not. But truthfully, does it take away the feelings that invade your heart and occupy your mind? Does it ease the hurt?
I’ve been thinking about this a lot while writing this book. The heroine, Maggie Holt, finds her way through betrayal by coming to redefine her philosophy about spouses being unfaithful. Her attitude that there is no reason for a man to cheat on his spouse changes. She still feels cheating is wrong, but accepts that sometimes there are human reasons it happens.
Maybe there are human reasons for betrayal in general, too. Maybe a person is one who is so busy looking to their wants and needs, they don’t even think about the impact of their actions on others. Maybe they’re one of those kind of people that just bulldozes through life unconscious. You know the type person I mean. Maybe a person is feeling threatened, or as if their place in a loved one’s life is insecure, or perhaps unsecured. Not all people are altruistic, some are just down-damn right manipulative. Maybe there are times when what’s been done is not right, but just maybe it too is human.
Doesn’t make betrayal easier to stomach, and that’s a fact. But knowing it can be a human flaw and not a manipulative attempt to destroy something decent and good, can be a source of solace and peace–if one chooses to let it.
The challenge of blogs is revealing too much. How much is enough? Where’s the line? I can’t say. I just don’t know.
What I do know is that reading blogs, feeling that intimate connection with the author, with that kindred spirit on challenges isn’t always comfortable or easy. Sometimes, to be totally honest, it sucks. But that’s because it makes one think. It makes you pull those emotions out of the closet and look at them in the bald light of day when you’re not at all sure you wouldn’t rather keep them in the dark and forget they’re there.
The thing is, the puppies always sneak out on their own anyway. And often it’s at the worst possible time–and not when you’re reading along with someone who’s been there and done that. And not when you’re writing a story about a character who makes peace with the challenge.
The challenge with blogs is also the blessing of them. Facing the darkest parts of ourselves is always easier when someone else with firsthand experience is along to say ouch with gusto and genuine empathy when we stub our toes. And we find hope that we’ll drag ourselves out of the darkness and into the light because, from their experience, we know there IS light.
Vicki Hinze https://www.vickihinze.com
Note: I edit books and professional correspondence. But I do NOT edit email or this blog. This is chat time for me, so if the grammar is goofed or a word’s spelled wrong, please just breeze on past it. I’d appreciate it–and salute you with my coffee cup. 🙂
“Trust is earned, one book at a time.”
–Vicki Hinze https://vickihinze.com
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Copyright 2005. VickiHinze
(https://www.vickihinze.com), is a multi-published author, who has a free library of her articles on writing–the craft, business and life.