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Vicki Hinze, My Kitchen Table

Written by Vicki Hinze

On December 31, 2015

What you can do on New Year's Eve to Make Your Life Better, Vicki Hinze








Vicki Hinze


Once, I told my mother, “I don’t like my life.”  She looked at me, as mother’s do, and said, “Then change it.”

No how to change it, or further instructions. Just, “then change it.”  It quickly became apparent, I was flying solo.  It was New Year’s Eve, and I was not content. Worse, I wasn’t exactly sure why.  But I was determined that by next New Year’s Eve, I would not be in the same position. And, oddly, her comment empowered me. She felt I could change my life on my own without her assistance.

If discontent with your life is the situation you’re in, read on…

Tonight we say farewell to 2015. Some would say it’s been a good year. Others would insist the best part of the year is that it’ll soon be over. For the majority of us, 2015 (like most other years) will go down in our personal history and our memory as a mixed bag of good and bad times.

Exactly how we recall the year will depend on what events dominated our thoughts and our time—more so than the actual events–and how those events impacted our lives.

Some people will blow that insight off as insignificant but, I caution you, it’s vitally important. Recognition gives us the chance to look back at what happened with the benefit of a little distance from what happened. That gives us greater objectivity, which means we see things a little more clearly.

We also look back not with the wisdom and insight we had then but with the wisdom and insight we have now.  Experience teaches. And these events, pleasant or painful, taught us and left behind little gems of wisdom that we take forward with us. Now, with those wisdom gems in our treasure chest, our perspective is sharpened and that brings us opportunities to benefit from the experiences.

Opportunities?  Benefits?  What opportunities and benefits?

I hear your doubt. I’ve felt it. But think about it a second and you’ll see…


When you look back, you can choose what you want to keep in your life and what you want to cull from your life. You can choose what you like and what you want to change.

I know, we resist change. We typically shudder at the word, much less at the actions that come with it because change means we have to move outside our comfort zone. We have to do something. But figuring out what often leaves us feeling overwhelmed, and so we end up doing nothing and feeling more frustrated. Even if the way things are aren’t as we’d like or they downright suck, they’re familiar. We know them, they know us and we know what to expect.  Moving into the unknown carries uncertainty and that scares our socks off.

Experience has taught us that change often is accompanied by conflict or challenges. That makes change a pain for us, and for those around us who don’t want us to change. They like us as we are, even if we’re not content. They know what to expect, and when we change, we push them out of their comfort zones.

No doubt about it. Change is work. We’re tired already, but if we’re not content , we’re not going to get content by staying on a treadmill where we’re not content. And if we don’t do the work necessary to get off the thing, the simple fact is we’ll stay on it. So we have choose: park and pay, or move and endure until we are content.

You can gloss that fact over all you like, but facts are facts and they remain facts. You want different? Create it, deal with challenges and conflicts and revamp until you are content. Others will accept or reject your changes. That’s their choice. You must take charge of your choices. Bottom line, you’re responsible for them.



Change is one part recognition, one part analysis, and one part action.

You can’t get off the treadmill if you don’t realize you’re on it. You’re stuck with being unfulfilled or discontent with life as you know it unless you recognize why you’re unfulfilled or discontent. That means you have to look hard at your life and be honest with yourself.

Once you recognize, you must analyze.

Explore what has you unfulfilled, unhappy or discontent. Once you peg the specifics, then switch your focus to solutions. What will it take for you to be content?  What can you do to make wise corrections for your life’s course? Once you know what has you feeling less than terrific, you’ll know what needs to be done. Really think about your solutions. Nail them down. Be specific.

Recognized and analyzed, now it’s time to act!

Here’s the thing. You can recognize all the challenges in the world and deliberate on them for a lifetime, but if you don’t actually implement a potential solution and put it to work in your life, you’re not changing a thing to better your situation.

And that means next New Year’s Eve you’ll be sitting right where you are, complaining about the same things you complained about this year (and perhaps the year before, and the one before that). You must act.

In short, if it’s broken, fix it.

You might have to explore a few solutions before hitting on the “perfect” one for you. Some will try one thing, not like the result, and consider that failure. It’s not. You know it didn’t work. Okay, now try something else. It’s okay to not like solutions and to keep seeking the right solution for you. This isn’t a one-size fits all bit of business. We’re talking about your contentment. Your happiness. Your feeling fulfilled. That’s different for all of us.

Many try one thing, don’t like it, and give up or give in—and remain discontent and unhappy and unfulfilled. Who loses in that? Why do they value their own peace so little they quit and not try again? Only they can answer, but my heart breaks for them. When the clutter clears, the truth is that because they think they have failed and quit trying, they have failed.

But there are successes. There are those who say, “Well, that didn’t work. I’ll try this next.” Those people who keep exploring will find the right potential solution for them. In a very real sense, they fail their way to success.

Now we’ve been taught that failure is a bad thing. But think about it. If you gain something–and knowing what you don’t want/what doesn’t work is every bit as important as knowing what you do want and what does work–then that’s growth, and growth is success. Maybe you’re not where you want to be, but you’re closer. You know now these potential solutions you’ve tried don’t work for you. Try others. You dig enough, you’re going to find the perfect solution for you.

If you’ve been told repeatedly that failure is bad, then consider the previous statement your personal license to fail. Go ahead and just fail your way to success. You’ll be in great company.  The most brilliant minds in the world never reached their objective on the first try.  They tried and kept trying until they succeeded. Worked for them. It can work for you, too.

Before the door closes on 2015, review it, recognize the problem points for you, analyze them seeking solutions, then implement them. Always nurture the good and cull the bad.

 Again, be aware that culling isn’t always painless or welcome (others often hate for us to change) but each of us must do what we feel is right for us. We must remember that doing the right thing is easy when it costs us nothing. When we pay dearly for it, however, is when we gain the most. (Think about it. Have you learned more, gained more from the hard knock lessons you’ve been through, or from the wins?)

Bottom line, like it or not, we are responsible for what we do and for what we do not do, and we will be held accountable for both. We will also bear the fruit and/or burden of what we’ve done and not done. It’s important to remember those little facts.

None of this is a license to cut-and-run. This is an evaluate-and-cull-what’s-no-longer-constructive-in-shaping-your-life-so-you-fulfill-your-purpose license. Doing less leaves you only with regret, and no one deserves only regret. Neither does anyone skate away from the consequences of their actions.



New beginnings require we put old endings to bed. It’s hard to focus on new ventures when we’re dealing with remnants of the old ones. Some overlap is inevitable, but the less of the old we have to contend with in the time where our focus should be on the new, the better our odds are of improving our position and making headway on the new and of building momentum.

Momentum is a powerful force. We put down a foundation. Upon it, we build. If one section is framed, we’re limited to going any farther on that one section. If two or three sections are framed, then expansion is possible on all sections. Momentum builds momentum. So the less time we spend in the past (deal with the old and get it done) the more time we have to invest in the future (welcome the new).

So clear the decks–and that includes accepting what you can’t change. Don’t repress it, accept it. And then press on.




No one can have everything they want, but they can focus intently to gain what they want most. What do you want most?

Answer that question.  Not in general terms, but in very specific ones. Then answer this question: WHY DO YOU WANT IT AND WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO GET IT?

In defining why you want something, you often clarify and intensify your determination. You also often develop seeds for your plan of action.

The key here is to remember an immutable law that deals with free will. You are free to seek what you will. But you are not free to impose your will on any other. These questions should be about you. Not about anyone else. How you can improve yourself, your life, your future.

If you’re constantly replaying old unworthiness tapes, or you spend a lot of time focusing on what’s wrong in your life or with everyone else, you’re on the wrong track. Respect others and yourself and recognize that replaying those tapes over and over isn’t accomplishing a thing that will benefit you.

If you need more on this, read or re-read Windshields and Rearview Mirrors.

Bottom line: Look within. Your answers and benefits lie there.




Far too many slide day-to-day, going through the motions of living without investing in anything that excites them or arouses any passion for what they’re doing. That’s a problem. It’s a poor substitution for a life. Don’t get so caught up in busy-ness that you don’t even remember your wishes, hopes or dreams. And if you have forgotten them, pull them out of cold storage, dust them off and see if they’re still your wishes, hopes and dreams or if it’s time for an update–or even an overhaul. If it is, do it. You should be excited about your life!

Upshot: Don’t drift, design your life.

Resolve to try at least one new thing. If you do, you might find a new passion. If you don’t, you won’t. You might be missing something that could mean a great deal to you–and the saddest thing about that is, if you don’t try it, you might never know it.

I’m reminded here of a story I heard some time ago about a guy caught in a flood. On three different occasions help came: a neighbor, a camel and a guy in a boat. On each of these occasions the man stranded in the rising floodwaters refused help, saying he was waiting on God to come help him. Well, the stranded guy drowned, hooked up with his Maker, and boy he was ticked. He demanded to know why God hadn’t come. God replied that he’d sent three different people to help. What exactly did the guy want?

The moral of the story: Sometimes we’re so fixed on what we think opportunity looks like that we fail to recognize it when it comes. Of course, that won’t happen to you if you’re open to new things…


Of all I’ve written in this post, this is by far the most important. It’s easy to fall into a hotbed of negativity or into a bad situation that sucks you dry, sows more seeds of discontent, or steals so much of your energy and focus that you grow inextricably mired in it and lose sight of what’s good and going right in your life.

When that happens, we react emotionally and that’s just not a good idea because our emotions aren’t reliable. We need balance to function with stability.

We all have challenges. No one escapes them. But if we focus only on the challenges (versus on solutions to them and other things) then we’re doomed to a very rocky, very unstable road and that is definitely not in our best interests–or in anyone else’s.

To gain more balance–which leads to more stable, less dramatic (and melodramatic) events that inflict trauma on us (and often on unsuspecting others)–we need only counter what’s wrong with what’s right. Counter the challenges with the blessings. See the good and be grateful for it.

Sometimes that’s easier to do than at other times. I’m reminded of something Joel Osteen once said about gratitude. There are times when the best you can do is to be grateful you’re not like x. (He pointed mid-air and said like him/her–I don’t recall which. But the intent in what he said fits situations and events as well as people.) Be grateful for little things as well as the big ones.

We often learn most from the things we tag as “bad.” We all have something to celebrate.



Where you focus, you follow. It’s a fact so accept it.

Before you act, you think. And if you allow your thoughts to run wild and unchecked, you diminish the chances of them being in your best interest. Anyone, given enough time, can rationalize and reason himself right out of good sense–and rob himself of accomplishments and even his destiny.

If you spend your time focused on the right things, good and constructive things, you’ll be purpose-driven and accomplish. If you spend your time focused on the wrong things, on negative or destructive things, you’ll follow that path and purpose and accomplishment (not to mention happiness and contentment) will elude you.

You choose which you’ll do. You choose what you focus on and give your energy–how you spend your life. That’s as it should be. Again, you’re responsible and accountable for it, and you will live with the joy or regret of your choices.

Now some will be busy at parties and gatherings on New Year’s Eve and that’s just terrific. It’s also why I’m posting this a day earlier—so you have time to read and review and think about your life before the parties start.

These things I’ve shared, in my humble opinion, are worthy New Year’s Eve opportunities. Ones that recognize, analyze and act to position you for powerful, meaningful personal gains in the coming year. And for that, and so much more, I am grateful.

If you put them to work in your life, you’ve got even more reasons to celebrate the new year. You’ve taken specific steps to make your life more like you want it.

You don’t have to do this work, of course. The earth won’t shake, you won’t turn into a pumpkin.  Odds are good you’ll have another year much like your last one.

But if you want more of what you want, why not give it a try?

Worst case scenario, you’ll be closer.  Remember, you can eat a bear… one bite at a time.

Happy New Year!


Vicki Hinze, Newsletter Subscription

© 2015, Vicki Hinze. Hinze is the award-winning, USA Today bestselling author of nearly thirty novels in a variety of genres including, suspense, mystery, thriller, and romantic or faith-affirming thrillers. Her latest release is The Marked Bride, Shadow Watchers, Book 1. She holds a MFA in Creative Writing and a Ph.D. in Philosophy, Theocentric Business and Ethics. Hinze’s online community: Facebook. Books. Twitter. Subscribe to Vicki’s Newsletter and get a free book. (Limited time only.)






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