As most of you know, I have faced serious medical challenges for many decades. It is from that perspective I want to address worrying. It’s what I know; I’ve lived it. And I’ve learned a few things along the way.
First, everyone faces situations, events, reasons that induce worry. The level of worry varies, depending on the cause and potential outcome, but the challenge, everyone faces. Some address their challenges successfully and without lasting damage. Some address them with the pain of passing kidney stones, with panic attacks and suffering high anxiety. Getting more success and less traumatic encounters is at the heart of this post.
The physical. When we worry, it has an impact on our body. The more intense the worry, the stronger impact. The longer we worry, the greater the damage.
To me, that is significant, and worth looking at to diminish as much as possible. We want zero damage. Minimal impact. We do not want panic attacks, stress-induced illnesses, high anxiety. Those things enormously affect our daily lives in a negative way.
What negative way? We can’t eat or eat too much. Some turn to bad habits, drugs or alcohol to numb. Some withdraw, some grow aggressive. None of those things help you to live your best life.
Secondly, a little worry is normal in a variety of situations. Meeting someone or doing something that is important to you: an exam at school or for a promotion at work, job interviews, (for me, new doctors). Normal life events that matter to us. As soon as it’s over, the worry or anxiety is gone. This “normal” worry can make you sharper, help you focus. That’s good. But if it doesn’t diminish when the event is done, that’s not good. Even intense, stressful situations should release when the situation is resolved.
If your worry persists and you still feel that “fight or flight” intensity, that’s taking a toll on you physically and emotionally. Fortunately, it isn’t one you can’t do anything about.
I’m a “tools” person. I don’t need abstract philosophy; I need concrete things to do—tools—to deal with things. The best one on this came from an unexpected challenge. And it came with a walloping gut-punch I’ll never forget.
Worry when you know you have something to worry about.
That lesson is important because most of the things we worry about never happen. They could happen, we fear they will happen, but time passes, and they don’t happen. I saw this in my own life many times before I recognized the pattern. I’d fear, hope and pray to avoid the challenge, and time would pass and the thing that worried me just never materialized. Let me share an example:
I had a cluster of persistent symptoms and went to the doc. He told me that if this proved to be what the symptoms showed, it was a terminal illness with no available treatment. He needed an MRI to know for sure.
That MRI and follow-up appointment took 4 or so weeks.
Weeks I could have spent worrying. A potential terminal diagnosis is stress-inducing. High anxiety wouldn’t be totally unreasonable. But I had recognized the pattern against worrying until I knew it was valid, so every time I thought about that potential diagnosis, I reminded myself to wait to worry until I knew I had something to worry about. That most things I worried about never happen. As the weeks wore on, I noticed I didn’t have to remind myself as often. I just lived my life and waited. And I remember once I realized I genuinely was at peace inside the waiting. I hadn’t expected that, but it happened, and it was good.
The doc said the results of the MRI were not the terminal disease he’d feared. The challenge was a minor one, easily handled. I left relieved and grateful.
It wasn’t long until I thought about that long wait for answers. And how horrible those weeks would have been if I’d given worry free rein. That was a powerful life lesson for me. Significant for what didn’t happen and for what did. I totally grasped the value of not worrying until I knew what I had to worry about—and spared me and my body, my emotional health a lot of stress and anxiety.
I’ve not forgotten that lesson—or the power to calm yourself with self-talk that is logical, reasonable, and constructive—and I hope you will find merit in the sharing.
What tools have you discovered that help you with worrying? If you’d like to share and maybe help others find new tools, please drop a comment.
Until next time,
Blessings,
Vicki
